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Do You Enable?
We all have behaviors, tendencies, patterns, and the keenability to recognize any and all of them. However, whenwe become so accustomed and engrossed in them, how dowe know we are enabling someone else's negativebehaviors? It can be sometimes difficult to come to this realization,because it is has been such a seemingly normal way of lifefor a designated period of time. Characteristics that you accept and are willing to ignore inyour interpersonal relationships that yield darkconsequences, somehow put the offender you enable highupon a pedestal, while you struggle to remain vertical. Surrender.... You will surrender your values when you enable someoneelse to practice their ill-fated behaviors, because you fearsome form of backlash, whether it be distance, abuse, livingup to their great expectations, or upsetting their seedyaddictions. Your future is tied directly to theirs, your self-progressionis like shadows that block the sun, yet you seem tocontinually turn your face to reality, only to enable anotherday. You are not worthy! Much of our lives we are consciously or sub-consciouslyinjected via family, friends, society, or self, that we aresimply not equal to others and consequently not worth asmuch as others are. This false assumption is reinforced by the behaviors weenable and allow. Therefore, the cycle comes full circleconstantly until it is broken....and you are the only one whocan break it! Relief..... One day in the future, you receive a magical key thatunlocks the doors and the cuffs that bind your handstogether. The sun beams effortlessly across an icy blue sky,the birds are more audible, your purpose and focussuddenly have more clarity then ever before. You havereached your personal nirvana! That place in the future is not that far off and that keyresides inside you! This is especially true, as long as you can understand thatnot condoning their behaviors is the only way out. This means that their next drinking binge and you callingtheir work the following morning, only to lie about theirinability to show up, or defending your kids' actions whenthey are obviously wrong, has to stop! You are worthy and your self respect will generate innerstrength to confront this and any other demons that castlong shadows onto your life. Asking yourself in your most logical voice if it is a healthybehavior you are allowing, will bring you the answers youseek. Subsequently, understanding that you as the enabler isas unhealthy as the enablee is an excellent place to start adiscontinuation of enabling. Although what do you do withthe person you are enabling after you realize this? Options...... You do have them, and exercising them would be yourimmanent next step. You can express you displeasure thatthese behaviors have gone unnoticed for too long and thatit is detrimentally affecting the relationship, so it thereforemust stop! Moreover, you can verbalize this in a heart to heartdiscussion, and in understanding the need for your personalmental health, give them an overdue ultimatum. Separating yourself from this environment should beindicated if: You receive a flat-out no in your attempts tolet them know that the enabling is going to discontinue andtheir behavior is, also. If they refuse to receive any type oftreatment for their problems or addictions. If the effect oftheir negative behavior is obviously polluting any children. Note: When children are in the picture, normal andunaffected, much thought must be given before breaking uptheir home and often should be put off until they leave thecomforts of home. This may sound like living in an internal prison, however,the health of any child must be paramount! A sacrifice forthe betterment of any children cannot be overstated. In addition, it would inevitably yield the relationship moretime to mend, as you continue your attempts to work oneliminating your enabling, and assisting your partner'sproblematic behaviors to discontinue. The main point to understand is that enabling someone tocyclically delve into their poor behaviors and addictionsmust be recognized with your own clarity and logic; thenimmediately discontinued in order for you and yourrelationship to maintain it's health. So ask yourself, is enabling worth it?....Undoubtedly youwill come to the realization, it is most definitely not. Brian Maloney - http://ValuePrep.com Want to improve your personal values?Get high-quality relationship advicefrom a 'Logical' standpoint. Visit ValuePrep - Relationship Help & Advice **Attn Ezine editors / Site Owners** Feel free to reprint this article in its entirety in your ezine or on your website as long as you leave all links in place, do not modify the content and include our resource box as listed above.
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