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Put Some Z.I.P. Into Your Relationships
Relationships are really what makes the world go 'round, aren't they? Imean, good, positive, healthy and meaningful relationships provide us withthe richest experiences we have here on this old earth of ours. Your lovingspouse who shares everything with you; that best friend who connects withyou like few others do; the people at work who appreciate you and help youto become the best that you can be; This is what brings joy to life! But... relationships can also be the bane of our existence! What really bringsmore pain in this life than a broken relationship, especially when it isn'tjust broken but downright ugly! So, it behooves us to do all that we can to keep our relationships zippingright along, doesn't it? If we put our very best into our relationships wecan almost guarantee getting the very best out of our relationships! Through the years I have spent hundreds of hours working with people intheir relationships: Marriages, friendships, working relationships andsocial relationships. Through it all I have seen some wonderful things andsome terrible things. It truly is the good, the bad and the ugly! But I have been able to find three core elements of successfulrelationships. These are things that, when done over time, begin to createfor you the kinds of relationships that you truly desire. They are the kindsof relationships you have always dreamed of. The key to remembering these three items is the acronym Z.I.P. Z.I.P. standsfor three things you can do - and begin to do immediately - to improve anyand all of your relationships. They are: Put some ZEST into your relationships.Cultivate more INTIMACY in your relationships.Develop a PURPOSE in your relationships. Let's take a closer look at each of these three: Put some ZEST into your relationships.By Zest, I primarily mean fun. Relationships were meant to be fun! We wouldn't have been made with the capacity to have fun if relationships weren'tsupposed to have a little zest in them! Think about it: Don't you usually start out most healthy relationships witha lot of fun times. Whether it is going out to dinner or a ballgame, orspending time playing a game or even just a lively talk, you usually havefun as a major part of the relationship. Fun is some of the glue that bondsthe relationship. But as life goes on, specifically in a marriage, but in all relationshipsreally, the fun starts to go by the wayside. More and more it is aboutgetting the job done, whatever the job may be. To restore the relationship, to put a little zip into it, we need toreintroduce the idea of "zest." What about you? Have you lost the zest? What can you do to get it back?Think of a specific relationship you have: What were the fun things you didat the beginning of the relationship that acted as the glue that bonded youtogether? Now, commit to doing those again and see if your relationshipdoesn't begin to soar again! If you can, develop new fun things to dotogether so you can both start an adventure of fun together! Cultivate more INTIMACY in your relationships. First a couple of clarifications: One, I don't just mean intimacy in thecurrently common understanding, that is, sexual intimacy. I mean for allintents and purposes, taking your relationship to a deeper level. Second, Idon't mean that you have to start doing group hugs with your workmates orhaving revelation sessions where the tissue flows freely. What I do mean is that every relationship that is mutually satisfying has alevel of depth to it that provides meaning. This is really what the searchis for in our relationships: meaning. Remember when you first started your relationship, whether with your spouseor friend. All of that time was spent opening up, telling who you are, whereyou were from, what your likes and dislikes are. There was a deep sense ofsatisfaction with the relationship - that is why it continued. You liked whothey were and you enjoyed being known by them. But then something happens. We get to a certain level and the pursuit ofdepth ends. We stop sharing feeling, likes, and dislikes. We stop sharingjoys and dreams and fears. Instead, we settle into routine. The daily grindtakes over and we stop knowing one another and we simply exist together. Nowdon't get me wrong, every time you get together doesn't have to be deep.Remember, I am the one who advocates in the previous paragraphs just havingplain old fun sometimes. But there is a need for regular times of intimateconnection where we go deeper with others. This is particularly hard for many of the male species like myself but it isnot only possible but healthy and needed! If we want to have the kinds ofrelationship we were made to have, we have to open ourselves up to havingothers know us and for us to know others. True meaningful relationships come when we are loved and accepted for whomwe are at our core, not simply for acting the right way in our relationshipsso as to keep the other person in it. Think about the relationships you would like to see improvement in. Takesome time in the coming weeks and months to spend time just talking andgetting to a deeper level in your relationship. Specifically, let the otherperson deeper into your world. You can't force the other person to be moreintimate and you certainly can't say, "Let's get together and have anintimate conversation," because that would be too contrived. But you canmake a decision for yourself that you will let others into your world.Perhaps this will be the catalyst for them doing the same. You can guard yourself from intimacy but then you won't go much deeper andyou will feel a longing in your heart for more, or you can begin thedeepening process and see your relationships change for the better. Develop a PURPOSE in your relationships. The most meaningful relationships we have are those that are held togetherby a common purpose and vision for what the relationship can accomplish, notonly for those involved but also for a greater good. Let's face it, when people have a common purpose they feel like they arepart of a team and they feel bound together in that relationship. Even whenpeople may be disappointed in the people they are in relationship with, ifthey have a purpose, such as raising the children, they are much more likelyto stick it out. Purpose creates bonds. So what happens if we are proactively involved in seeking out a commonpurpose with those who we want to have a relationship with or those who wealready have a relationship with but we would like to see it go deeper with?Well, it gets better and stronger. Think about your strongest relationships. Aren't they centered around atleast one area of purpose or a common goal? What about a relationship that has cooled? Think back and see if perhaps youused to have a common purpose but it has gone by the wayside. And what of your desire to see a relationship grow? Take some time to beginto cultivate a common purpose. Sit down with that person and tell them thatyou would like to have some common goals, some purposes that you pursuetogether. As you develop these, you will see your relationship strengthen inways you never imagined! Let's recap: You want your relationships to show a little "zip?" Then put alittle Z.I.P. in them: Put some ZEST into your relationships.Cultivate more INTIMACY in your relationships.Develop a PURPOSE in your relationships.
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